NEW
TWO YEAR DEGREE
A new two year degree is being offered at many colleges and universities
that
many should be interested in: Becoming a Real Man. That's right,
in
just
six trimesters, you
too,
can become a real man as well as earn an MA degree
(Male Arts).
Please take a moment to look over the program outline.
FIRST YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
MEN 101 Combating Stupidity
MEN 102 You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103 PMS: Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy
Under things
for Christmas
Winter Schedule:
MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Technique
MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4am
MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception
EAT 100 Get a Life, Learn to Cook
EAT 101 Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
ECON 001A What's Hers is Hers
Spring Schedule:
MEN 120 How NOT to Act Like a Buttface When You're Wrong
MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122 YOU, the Weaker Sex
MEN 123 Reasons to Give Flowers
ECON 001B What Was Yours is Hers
SECOND YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep without It
SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Take a Shower
SEX 103 How to Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 201 How to Put the Toilet Seat Down
Elective (See Electives Below)
Winter Schedule:
MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211 How to Not Act Younger than Your Children
MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
MEN 213 Honest, You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise
MEN 230A Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important 1
Spring Schedule:
MEN 220 Omitting %&*! from Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)
MEN 221 Fluffing the Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary
MEN 222 Real Men Ask for Directions
MEN 223 Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important 2
Course Electives:
EAT 101 Cooking with Tofu
EAT 102 Utilization of Eating Utensils
EAT 103 Burping and Belching Discreetly
MEN 231 Mothers-in-Law
MEN 232 Appear to Be Listening
MEN 233 Just Say Yes, Dear;
ECON 001C Cheaper to Keep Her
Toast
A hotel holds three weddings on the same day and at the end of the night the 3
grooms meet up at the bar to discuss the days
events over a couple of night-caps. One questions the other two :
"Look
it's our wedding night and I was wondering. How many times are we expected
to...um... you know....do IT!"
The
other two look blankly at him, then they all delve into a conversation about
whether the usual once is enough, or should they go for twice, as its a
special occasion or what?
Anyway
they decide to retire to their respective wives and see how the night goes,
with the idea that over breakfast they'll discuss what went on.
Suddenly
one of the grooms pipes up, "Hold on lads we can't discuss our first
night marital goings on over the breakfast table
with our wives sat with us."
"No
you're right. What we'll do then, for every piece of toast you order with your
breakfast, that's how many times you did
it" offers another groom.
They
all decide it's an excellent idea and depart. The next day in the hotel
breakfast parlour they're all looking a bit
dishevelled and the wives have the haircut known as the 'Just Shagged Look'.
The
waitress comes up to the first groom to take his order,
"Yes
I'll have the full English breakfast with THREE pieces of toast please".
The other two grooms smile at him and raise a glass of fresh orange in a toast
to his prowess.
The
waitress moves to the second couple, and the groom orders,
"I
shall also have the full English breakfast but could I have FOUR pieces of
toast" The other two grooms turn making pistols from their fingers and
shoot the FOUR-shooter groom.
The
waitress gets to the last groom
"I
too shall have the FULL English breakfast please, yet I shall
have..." He takes a deep breath and surveys the room, "SEVEN, yes
SEVEN PIECES OF TOAST" he calls for everyone's benefit whilst giving a
big cheesy grin to his two wedding mates, who stare at him rubbing their
privates, thinking how raw their friend must be.
"Seven
pieces of toast sir?" queries the waitress. "Why that's an awful
lot"
"Yes
indeed young lady, seven pieces of toast it is."
She
writes down his order then turns away, but before she leaves the seven times a
night groom calls across the room after her again'
"And
by the way love, can you make two of them brown?"
The National Transportation Safety
Board recently divulged that they had for the past five years covertly funded
a project with US auto makers whereby the auto makers installed black boxes in
four wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents,
the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.
They were surprised to find in 44 of the 50 states that the last words of
drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh, Sh*t!"
Only the states of West Virginia, Georgia, Mississippi, Louisiana, Alabama,
Texas, and Tennessee were different, where over 89.3 percent of the final
words were: "Hold my beer and watch this."
A
new guy in town walks into a bar and notices a very large jar behind the
counter which is filled to the brim with ten dollar bills. The man guesses
there must be thousands of dollars in it and approaches the bartender to ask:
Man: "What's up with the jar?"
Bartender: "Well, you pay ten dollars and if you pass three tests, then
you get all the money."
Man: "What are the three tests?"
Bartender: "Pay first. Those are the rules." So the guy gives him
the ten bucks and the bartender adds it to the jar.
Bartender: "OK, here's what you have to do. First you have to drink that
whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once AND, you can't make a
face while doing it. Second, there is a pit bull chained up out back with a
sore tooth... you have to remove the tooth with your bare hands. Third, there
is a 90 year old woman upstairs who's never had an orgasm in her life. You
gotta make things right for her."
Man: "Well, I know I've paid my ten bucks but I'm not an idiot, I won't
do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of tequila and get crazier from
there."
Bartender: "Your call. But your money stays in the jar."
Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat
teeqeelah?"
He grabs the gallon of tequila with both hands and downs it with a big slurp.
Tears are streaming down his cheeks, but he doesn't make a face.
Next he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear a huge scuffle
going on. They hear barking and screams, yelps and growling, and eventually
silence.
Just when they think the man must surely be dead, he staggers back into the
bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body.
"NOW," he says, "where's that woman with the sore tooth?"
Police
warn all male clubbers, party-goers and unsuspecting public house
regulars to be more alert and cautious when getting a drink offer from
a girl.
There
is a drug called beer, that is essentially in liquid form. The drug is
now being used by female sexual predators at parties to convince their male
victims to have sex with them. The shocking statistic is that beer is
available virtually anywhere!
All
girls have to do is buy a beer or two for almost any guy and simply ask
the guy home for no-strings attached sex. Men
are literally rendered helpless against such attacks. Attacks generally
come from overweight ugly birds who render their prey legless in order to
satisfy their unsatiated desire with blokes of a more discerning nature.
Please! Forward this to every male you know......
However,
if you fall victim to this insidious drug and the predator creatures
administering them, there are male support groups with venues in every suburb
where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open
and frank manner with a bunch of similarly affected like minded guys.
For
the nearest venue near you just look up "Pub" in the yellow pages.
A
taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The
driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the
footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window. For a second everything
went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do
that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap
would scare you so much." The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not
really your fault.
Today
is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a hearse for the last 25
years!